When she was only 14 years old, Alice Musabende lost more than 30 family members in the 1994 genocide in Rwanda, including her parents and brothers and sisters. On the 15th anniversary of the tragedy, Alice remembers her loved ones:
15 Years later….Remembering the people who were mine.
15 years. 15 long years since the last time I saw my mom’s beautiful smile. Since the day I last saw my little brother’s baby face. The pain is there, has always been there and will always be there. I still remember it all, just as if it was yesterday. Some days, I can’t help but let tears roll down on my cheeks, silently. And some other days, I wake up in the morning, and tell myself that I am going to make it. And I know I will.
15 years passed by but I haven’t forgotten a thing. I never will. I haven’t been able to forgive the people, who one early morning of April 1994 decided to take the lives of the people who were my world. Ever since that day, I have been trying to understand what kind of people couldn’t just be seduced by my baby brother’s smile or my mother’s beauty and let them live. People who thought they had the right to kill them. I haven’t been able to forgive them. Does this make me the devil one? Maybe, but 15 years later, all that I am left with is my anger and my sorrow; they keep me moving.
15 years have gone by, with their challenges and the many blessings that I am surrounded with. But here I am trying to remember my little’s brother’s face. I lost the only picture of him and every day I think of him, I just can’t remember exactly what his face looked like. I want to keep everyone’s memory alive. But it is very hard, because they are so many.
In 15 years, I have learnt so much. I have learnt that God keeps an eye on me, every day of this life I call mine. I have learnt that when you lose the family you had, you can always make a new one, a family of friends that destiny puts on your way. I have learnt that sorrow doesn’t kill, it can break you down or it can make you stronger, it’s one’s choice. I have learnt that love is the best medicine, the best way of healing oneself.
I am remembering all of them today, Annonciata, Aloys, Elyse, Alain, Christian, Gabriel, Asterie, Andre, Cadette, Mimi, Flambert, Bosco, Toyota, Mudeo, and so many others I can’t name here. I am remembering them, as much as I remember them everyday, and just as much as I dream about them every day. I am remembering them because I want them to know that I am alive, for me and for them. I want to tell them that the candle in my heart will be lighted forever. And that I will always honor their memory, because they are me and I am them. I am All of them.
In 2006, Alice moved to Canada to attend Carleton University, where she graduated with a Master of Journalism degree. Today, Alice is a television producer in Ottawa.
